Happy 2nd Birthday Sweet Crosby!

Two years ago I looked something like this...

Except I think by the time you decided to make your appearance I may have looked a little more worn down. You as always were on your time table. Two weeks before my due date, the last day of school as I am about to rush out the door my water breaks. I called Daddy and had him come back home. Before I knew it Daddy was frantically driving me to the hospital. I laughed and said to slow down, that you weren't coming just yet. Little did I know how true that statement was. After 24 hours in hospital in labor you still weren't ready to make your appearance, so the doctors decided to help you out. They wheeled me down to the OR where in just a few brief moments I got to meet the most incredible little baby. Daddy cried looking at you, because you were so perfect and beautiful. I couldn't hold you yet, but when I heard your sweet voice I cried too. Then they brought you over for me to meet.

It was love at first sight let me just tell you! You had to go back to our room without me so Daddy went with you. I remember being so sad that we were separated for the first time in 9 months! When I got to the room, all I heard was you screaming! You were not happy at all! They brought you to me and I held you and you calmed down instantly. I think you missed me as much I missed you. I sat and stared at your perfect little face. Daddy ran to tell Grandma, Papa, and Bebe that you arrived and were healthy. He came back and the three of us sat for a long time. He and I just stared at you and tried to wrap our minds around the fact that you were actually here with us. Your Bebe, Papa, and Grandma had waited up all night to see you so they came down and held you and talked about how beautiful you were. Those first days were wonderful you slept and ate. Daddy changed your diapers (which was wonderful)! Bringing you home was everything we imagined. There were balloons and signs that Bebe and Aunt Kiki put out. The best part was having you with us.

Everyday it seemed you grew and changed. After a month you looked so different, but somethings didn't change at all. You loved to be held. You didn't want to be put down. You were a momma's girl from the beginning. Now you are 2. I don't know where the time went. I see you running around, entertaining yourself, making friends and I think where is that little baby I brought home.

I know that you may not remember being this age and all the fun you have. I want you to know somethings about how wonderful you are. You always meet Daddy at the door when he comes home at night. It makes his day to see your face light up and call for him to pick you up! You look at books constantly and pretend to read them. You love talking on the phone. You will talk with Bebe, Aunt Kiki, Bay, Papa, Daddy or anyone that calls. You have an unusual affection for Andy Griffith and watch the show as much as possible! You are very brave and never seem to shy away from endangering yourself by climbing or jumping off things. You are empathetic beyond your young years. You wipe away tears, hold my hand if I am sad, and rub Daddy's back when he seems down. You are still shy around strangers, but once you decided you like someone you are as friendly as you can be. You like sweet foods, and would eat cookies every meal of the day if allowed. I can't keep milk in the house, because you drink it constantly. You love your bed time routine, especially when we sing your lullaby. You stare at Daddy and smile in such loving way.

More than anything I want you to know that at 2 you have made our world more full than either your Daddy or I could have imagined. Your laughter fills this home and our hearts. We love you sweet baby and are fortunate to call you our daughter. Happy Birthday Crosby!

Love,
Mommy

Psalm 139: 13 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
   How vast is the sum of them!

These verses have such an impact on my heart today. May 26, 2010 was the due date for our sweet Memphis. God's plans were different than ours. He took our son to be with Him on January 27, 2010 instead. I have struggled these past months wrestling with grief and fear. How could God allow this to happen He is able to do anything, why wouldn't He heal Memphis. Last night as I sat alone I came across a song that moved my heart in a way that words fail to express. The writers experienced a similar journey of loss. I found myself captivated by the couple as they spoke of their pregnancy, diagnosis, and final loss of their daughter. I was struck by their incredible faith and honestly before the LORD. In  this God whispered such truth and comfort for me. One being that our sweet boy is living more fully than this world would have ever given to him. He knows only peace and completeness. He has seen things that my feeble mind could never grasp. I have wept more this week than I would like to admit, but it has been for my loss not Memphis'. I was also reminded that although his life was brief, it continues to make an impact that is yet to be fully seen. He changed our lives by his presence and I am eternally grateful for the way God has used him to draw us closer to Himself.
I heard it said as I listened to that couple's story there was never a "plan B." So often I want to think that this couldn't have been the best for any of us. More and more I am seeing this was God's sovereign and perfect plan for our family. I choose to celebrate the life that we had here with us for the briefest of weeks, and to cling to the incredible love of a Savior that holds both my life and my son's in His hands.