It is strange how days and weeks can come and go and I am so busy with taking care of Crosby or trying to keep this house organized (loosely used term) that I can not feel the weight and sadness of losing Memphis. I always think of him. Today was a "bad day" as I call them. A couple in our new church delivered their baby boy early this morning. I didn't think I would feel any sadness until this morning, when all that hit me a new. My baby boy won't ever be coming home with us. He will never be able to be apart of family hugs and morning cuddles. I have found myself crying and mourning his loss all over again. Thinking of what should be, and realizing what is. The honest truth is my heart is not healed completely, and probably won't this side of glory. What I do hold and treasure are the sweet moments when my Crosby asks if I want another kiss, which my answer will always be yes. I will hold tightly to the nudging kicks of my sweet new growing baby girl. I will embrace the good that God has allowed for me today and allow Him to hold my broken heart together when I can't. I will fight the sadness that would loom over me like a cloud and stand in the truth of the gospel. I will learn the truth of this verse:
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Cor. 4:17
I will abandon myself to the one that heals all our wounds by His great sacrifice and redemption.
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